Friday, April 30, 2010
we're doing just fine
i wanted this, but i'm afraid to take it. it doesn't mean i won't. it just confirms that i'm pretty much still afraid of everything. and it makes me wonder how i do anything really. and how much more i could possibly get out of life if i wasn't doing every silly little thing afraid. and it makes me wonder how in blazes did i get this way, and how i can see where it's wrong and still, still, not be able to change it. salivating over it, even. bells everywhere. but everybody's more or less afraid, right? pretty much everybody's just squeaking by. or maybe everybody's doing just fine. we're probably all just fine.
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I had forgotten about this place until just now!
ReplyDeleteI would posit that one massive factor influencing this fear is where you sit on the experience/novelty spectrum. There are two sides of this which readily come to mind:
a) your experience with the individual things causing anxiety (being unsure of oneself do to inexperience leads to anxiety and self-consciousness, and a lack of a sense of efficacy);
b) your experience with trying new things and pushing boundaries, generally. Those who tend to do this often can build up their experience of being an inexperienced noob at a variety of things, and grow more comfortable with each novel thing they take on.
Example from my own life: I've become much more comfortable in my own skin whenever I'm faced with novel things (except dancing) to try. However, that doesn't wash away the anxiety of being a new teacher and getting swamped with the demands of the job, and periodically questioning if it really is the best plan for me to continue with this. Fortunately, my rational head is pretty sure of this, so I come back to ground and pull through the crappy bits and insecurities.
I fear that to not be afraid of taking on new or ambitious or demanding projects/goals means one is probably not taking them, and that sounds worse to me. Pulling through and working past one's issues is a triumph every time.
Umm, as a bit of a disclaimer, if this doesn't apply to what you posted, then consider it a hypothetical discussion. I do not intend to be as arrogant or presumptuous as I am worried I seem.
Also, hi! If you have a tephalump number, and would like to receive a mysterious overseas call at some point, send me said number in an email or on ye olde Facebook.
EDIT: in part a) there, the parentheses should start with the word 'inexperience,' and not have 'being unsure of oneself to do.' That's a weird mistake.
ReplyDeleteMore accurate edit!
ReplyDeleteIn fact, the only mistake of the original was writing "do" instead of "due."