we're doing just fine

i wanted this, but i'm afraid to take it. it doesn't mean i won't. it just confirms that i'm pretty much still afraid of everything. and it makes me wonder how i do anything really. and how much more i could possibly get out of life if i wasn't doing every silly little thing afraid. and it makes me wonder how in blazes did i get this way, and how i can see where it's wrong and still, still, not be able to change it. salivating over it, even. bells everywhere. but everybody's more or less afraid, right? pretty much everybody's just squeaking by. or maybe everybody's doing just fine. we're probably all just fine.

a week's worth of silence

what would you do with a week's worth of silence?. is it even possible to find anymore, what with the hum of technology that is now the soundtrack of our daily lives. refrigerators, with their false voice of efficiency, break into kitchens and interrupt an otherwise peaceful atmosphere. fans force themselves on us from behind plastic hard drives. televisions are constantly turned on. noise is normal, and if it can't be heard than we inevitably assume something is wrong. why is it so quiet? who turned off the tv? why isn't everyone trying to talk at once?

a week's worth of silence would be to some unbearable, and hardly valuable. who wants to understand that time stands still, and it is us who barrel through it, without any awareness of where we're going or from where we came, only an unintelligent notion that there was a starting point way back 'there' and somewhere, in a perfectly straight line some distance ahead, is where it will end. our lives are merely series of perfectly straight dots that our egos mindlessly put together.

i have been by myself now for five days, and am a bit resentful of the sounds around me, though i also have to admit there have a few moments when i have been grateful for the knowledge that help is just a scream away...haha..... why is the fridge so loud? when are we going to make something more energy efficient? who do we hold accountable for this lack of service? ultimately, when it comes to things that we find ourselves without, the blame is on us.

even now, the music is blaring...